Days Gone By

It is hard to think that after that last post it was only a couple of months when I found out that I would be expecting a little baby in June of the next year. I had decided to go off the fertility meds and just see what happens. Suprised beyond belief that the very next month I got pregnant without the meds. I was never regular but one morning before church I decided to take a test because one medication I took I could not start without making sure I wasnt pregnant. Well sure enough there was a little very faint pink line. My husband said he couldn't see it but I knew it was there. The next day he went out and got another test and sure enough it was positive. That day changed my whole life. Now I was not a dying person but a woman made complete by having a baby. A marriage that had been magically mended all beacause our trails had been worth this special baby. A baby that would change the world merely because he had been created by God. Although some of the hardest months laid ahead due to complications unseen.

Early in the pregnancy we would have a threatened miscarriage due to a incompatiablity with my blood. One of us had postive and the other negative. And months where I was told that I could not do any chores or hard work due to fear of losing the precious baby inside me. And then a end of pregnancy filled with false contrations and a baby that went days without moving.

I had had vivid dreams of this child filling my life with joy but one of the weirdest dreams I had was him being born on May 17th a full moon. He came into the world I little hariy werewolf. I kept telling people that I would go into labor that day but no one believed me. I was exactly 37 weeks, technically full term but still 3 weeks away from my due date. I had been feeling like I had the flu and was as gross as it sounds throwing up all over the place when suddenly my water broke all over the floor. I changed pants and then walked out to tell everyone that it was time to go to the hospital. When we were driving there I asked my husband what day it was. He started laughing for like I told everyone, It was May 17th. The hours to follow are by worse the worse and best time in my life. I was in labor 24 hours but could never dilate past 4 cm. And this is when I knew my trails would begin...

They took in for a c section which is by far the worse experience in my life. For one my epidural was only working on one side of my body which means although I couldn't feel pain I could feel the knife going trough my skin on one side of my body. It was horrible. But to hear that crying baby in the end was amazing. I hated that I couldn't hold my sweet baby Theodore in my hands but as soon as I saw those sweet eyes I knew it was worth it. After they got the baby out they ended up having to sedate me because I could not handle being operated on while awake. The next few hours are a blur filled with events that I don't really remember but family and friends around me told me about.

The days that followed didn't get any eaiser. With a baby that was jaudiced and would not breast feed. Not being able to breast feed was by far the hardest thing I ended up going through. I very heart renching thing that no matter how many times I tell myself I did everything possible I still feel like I took away something precious from my baby. I will always grieve not being able to breast feed but know that I have a healthy baby boy.

Theodore Richard Schreiner entered my world on May 18th, 2011 and changed it forever. He is such a well behaved little boy who is ahead in all of his development and sleeps through night like a champ. I love him with every part of my heart. to be with him is like being with an angel sent straight from God. The world is a better place simply because he exist.