the Quest

These days when someone is talking about the pill they know what you are talking about. With the introduction of so many medication and things. It seems that infertility is sky rocking. Soon some will same some phase like the quest and they will know that it is about infertility. I am not sure how to explain this but it is one of the hardest things I have ever been through. I am just in the beginning and cannot imagine what lays ahead of me. I am on pretty simple medication and the side effects are ridiculous. I mean I walk around in a uncensored body half the month. I am a nice person but things just roll out of my mouth. I am not sure what do about this. My husband already cannot deal with this. He is so distant from me that I fear with the next syllable he will be out of my life and none of this would have been worth it. So do I live in a world where my husband hates me or do I live with the fact that I will never have a natural child but with a happy husband. how do I make him realize that it is not me but the medication. I have told him but he doesn't seem to hear my words. All he hears is the hormones talking that burst at the seems often these days. My heart is broken both because the thought of not having a child and from the thought of destroying my marriage in the process. which path should I take. When I usually have a bad time like this I go to my mother of best girl friend but for some reason I can't for I fear they just will not understand. How can they? My husband the one closest to me doesn't even understand and being a man he is being stubborn laying under the covers trying ignore me. What is a girl supposed to do? I have tried running to God but I even feel that slipping away...why did he make me the way I am if I were to have no children. Am I destined to live the rest of days my days with out children or fight and have a broken marriage. No answer seems to be right for I could never live with either. I am stuck in a cage with nowhere to hind or flee to. No person around to save me from invisible gases but to merely fall dead. I lifeless yellow body that dies when everyone else gets to live a wonderful life out in the sunlight with birds chirping and kids laughing off in the distance...